Well yes, I have been slack again and not posted anything for the last couple of weeks.
Life has been a little hard is all and I really do not like saying anything negative, or I at least try not to. However, that does mean I tend to isolate myself from any form of social interaction including this virtual world shit. Come on I am not the only one who, when reading other peoples whiny shit, thinks "Fuck I wish I could just punch them in the throat and tell them to harden up."
I don't let times like this affect my work or dealing with people in general when I have too as everyone has their own issues and doesn't really give a fuck about what I feel, they just want to get through their own day. But I know it does have an effect on my home life and those I love the most. I try not to let it but its hard when they all demand my attention and all I want to do is sit quietly. Kids do not get it, they just want what they want when they want it. They do not understand the need to be alone and to think things through, to them they are just being ignored so it makes it so hard to find time for oneself. I want a week on a river in the middle of nowhere by myself but I know they would miss me and I would miss them but oh how I crave silence.
As for the affect it has on my relationship with my wife, well there are times I think that there is no mending the gulf between us. It is all the more disturbing and depressing that because of the dynamic of our relationship, and the way we deal with things with each other. That when I am down and feeling this way and when I try to isolate myself from those closest, those who I care the most for are also the ones that demand the most from me but don't understand what I need most. This causes the strain and instead of feeling some alone time I end up just feeling lonely.
Wouldn’t it be lovely to be a kid again? Days would last forever and making best friends would be as simple as anyone why talked to you in the playground. And there would be no conditions on love, it just is and you did. On the down side if I was a kid again I bet my mum would still try to make me eat brussel sprouts and food festered in a crock pot for weeks on end. Evil, evil woman!!
Well after reading that all back I want to punch myself in the throat and tell myself to harden the fuck up. Fucking emo biatch I am sometimes. Oh well it’s my blog and Ill say what I want.
For all those I love, don’t worry I always give all of my heart unconditionally. I am yours forever.
For all those that I hate, yes I am a petty man and I hold a grudge and even though I am old I can still pop your arms out of their sockets and beat you to death with the soggy ends.
Think on that.
Jack
